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September 12, 2004
My 24th Birthday
Thursday the 9th – my birthday! I had the remaining cereals (coco pops, rice bubbles and fruit loops) and a coffee for breakfast, while watching a movie. Mum called to wish me a happy birthday then the rest of the day was exceptionally normal. After class I went to a Vietnamese restaurant on Monivong with Vinh, Neil, Kit and Will. We had some interesting nibble food, some Saigon beer and extremely red and sweet strawberry Champagne. The Gecko was next for a couple of drinks before the final destination, the Flying Elephant. There was a fair crew there already, due to a member of staff having a farewell party. The night was good, the drinks flowed freely, and I didn’t have to pay for many. Unfortunately I think I drank too many types of alcohol during the night, and so I left because I felt sick.
Friday the 10th – I woke up to the cleaner, and was feeling ILL. I was hung over, a rare occurrence for me, and I felt it all day. Panadol didn’t do too much, and most of the day involved lying on the couch watching movies, feeling ill. I went to the Rising Sun for a half-breakfast (a snag, an egg, bacon, beans, a hash brown, toast and coffee!) followed by a banana shake. Even though I was feeling wasted, this was a really good thinking time for me. I kinda felt like a tourist again, partly because I took a motodop (my bike was out of gas) which was kinda nice. After class, which was a struggle, I had dinner with Kit at the Boat Noodle Restaurant across from my place, but I couldn’t finish the meal, so, feeling sick, I interrupted dinner and made a quick exit. Releasing myself from most of my clothes I felt a little better, and stayed that way on the couch watching movies.
By the way, thanks to everyone for your fantastic birthday wishes!! xx oo
Posted by Dan at 08:44 AM | Comments (1)
The weekend (and week) of Lydia
On Thursday I got a msg from Lydia wanting to meet up over the weekend. I was extremely lasse-faire in my responses, as I wasn’t feeling all that great about how things were going with her. However, I smacked myself into realisation that she’d done nothing wrong, and therefore it was unfair of me to put it on her. I also decided I’d straight out ask her WTF is going on.
Anyway, after class and dinner, I took Lydia to the Ginger Monkey for Vinh’s Birthday Party. He wasn’t there at 9pm, so we went to get Lydia some food at a local Boat Noodle Restaurant in the meantime. After noodles, Lydia and I were chatting, about to get on the moto when a car, 3 bikes and a couple of guys went screaming down the opposite side of the road to us. One guy was knocked down, just out the front of an alley (the alley to my apartment I later realised), then had the snot beaten out of him. Another dude was chased by the bikes and a car into an alleyway further down the street. The two beaten guys were pushed into the car and driven off! It was quite an adrenaline-pumping scene, and we very much doubt it was as simple as a moto rip-off! This kind of thing happens every day in Cambodia, and much, much worse (we were glad we saw no guns!)…
Anyway, after calming down, we took a scenic route back to the Monkey (to avoid driving where the scene had just been) where the party was in full swing. Surprisingly, I saw Nev, who I have been meaning to catch up with since Sihanoukville, but something inevitably comes up.
After a couple of hours partying, I confronted Lydia, asking where I fit in her life. The response left me in almost as much limbo as the day before. She feels comfortable around me, and even misses me if not seeing me for a few days, but of course, she couldn’t say any more, she was confused. Ok, a simple “we’re just friends” would have been easy to handle, as would have a “do me now”, but that jus left ME confused!
After taking Lydia home (not drinking, due to medicinal reasons), the night continued to Howie’s and then Sharky Mart before home.
Saturday the 4th comprised of 9 hours straight of working on my new server from Regent. I got there (with a Vegemite Baguette in hand) at 10am, and didn’t leave until the Accountants did at 7pm. It was a very long, but productive day.
During the week I had planned to meet Lydia on Saturday night for dinner, and the plans roughly stuck. I got there with some Aussie and French Merlots (The Eaglehawk was surprisingly crap), but found no dinner, so I staved hunger off with some bread, cheese, and a slice of pizza. Tina, a German chick who’s about to go home arrived also, and we all chatted for a few hours on Lydia’s balcony, drinking wine. After Tina left, the conversation continued until the wee hours of the next day, at a point at which we decided sleep was necessary. Due in part to Lydia not being bothered to unlock downstairs and to be bothered leaving, I stayed, given some firm ground rules (we were both tired anyway).
…
We ended up not getting any sleep...
And so, this is Sunday, and we didn’t really want to separate, but Lydia’s plans forced her away.
We think this means the next step in our relationship, and that we’re seeing each other. Lydia still needs things to go slowly, and I will oblige.
Ah, I am to see her to borrow some money to call Dad (it’s Dad’s Day), we will see how she is.
Sunday 5th – Fathers Day. After dropping Lydia off at Tuol Kork, I did bubble tea with Kit. Borrowed $10 from Lydia so I could call Hunters Hill. Spent a good 35 minutes on the phone with the fam, which was really, really good. There was a second or two delay, which was frustrating, but it still worked out. Went back to Lydia’s place...
The first half of the week was similar, not sleeping in my own bed until Wednesday night.
Tuesday I got paid, albeit with pay problems again. Tuesday night I had dinner with the German girls at Shangri La (lakeside) which was absolutely excellent!
Wednesday Lydia left for Battambang, where there was a Youth For Peace group meeting/conference, not coming back until Sunday. I was pretty tired for the rest of the day, maybe in part due to our previous days’ exercise regime. I was also a little cranky, which unfortunately came through in my dealings and teachings for the day.
I spoiled myself with a $4 pizza for dinner and felt a little better after that and a couple of beers at home. Chatted briefly with Lydia over the phone.
Posted by Dan at 08:42 AM | Comments (0)
Exciting Oudong
Friday 3rd September – I was planning to spend most of the day configuring my new server before class. Instead, I was invited to join Brandon, his class (mostly made up of Soldiers!) and his girlfriend Colleen to visit Oudong Mountain. Oudong was the capital of Cambodia before Phnom Penh. It has some brilliant stupas and views of the surrounding country.
Yes, he’s hand modelling the elephant ears!
This is part of the crumbling north-facing temple.
Brandon and The Princess, Uh, I mean Colleen (just jokes! :) )
Brandon and Colleen arrived on their moto as they couldn’t make the bus. So I was the only foreigner on the bus to and from the Mountain, and as per usual, they had ear-piercing Karaoke playing the whole time.
After exploring the sites, we had lunch at the bottom, comprising of beer and frogs-on-a-stick! Colleen was very hesitant about the frogs, but we got her to try one of the legs at least :)
Wow! Tastes like chicken!
Also, a funky little monkey almost tried to attack me, check out the video – click here to download file
On the way back, the bus stopped to pick up a case of Chinese Ginseng Wine (23% alcohol), and so as to not be rude, I graciously accepted one after another shot of the stuff. It’s surprisingly nice I found, quite smooth for a hard liquor, or like a strong, sweet wine (and apparently ‘good for you health!’). This would have been perfectly fine, except that I still had a class to teach at 5:30! We got back to Regent at 5 o’clock, and I had to run home, change clothes and stumble (ok, that’s an exaggeration) into class. Considering my state, class went well. In fact, it seemed like a normal class except that I may have been more gregarious with my explanations and definitions of vocabulary, and that the effort to stay seemingly straight gave me a headache!
Posted by Dan at 08:40 AM | Comments (1)
Two massive pick-me-up’s in as many days!
Tuesday night I couldn’t sleep, and felt pretty bad about girls and stuff. I fired off an SMS to Claire (I feel like I don’t want to ‘bother’ aussie friends late at night, cause that’s early am for them, which is partly why I send late night SMS’ to Claire) asking how I can be less of a nice guy, which is the advice I seem to have been given in regards to ‘how to get chicks’. I then followed it up with a ‘forget about it’ one. It was about 1:30am that she called, using most of her phone credit on a 10 minute call to me. But oh how great it was to hear such a familiar and reassuring voice! We chatted briefly about my current situation, and about Lydia, etc, and before her phone cut out, I promised to put it all into an email. I did so right then, as I was still awake from the call. It was very good for me to get it all out, to be able to talk to someone, and also to write it all out clearly.
One of the things to note from the conversation is my prior attitude re: not breaking the Lydia tension is not out the window. The tension is all well and good, but it’s also internally destructive if there is absolutely nothing happening if combined with complete uncertainty. Thus, I needed to confront the issue head on.
The second ‘pick me up’ came the next day, when my birthday parcel arrived from Sydney! It was so exciting to rummage through all the party gifts, care package food items and birthday cards!
Posted by Dan at 08:34 AM | Comments (1)
Gecko, Redhat, Viets, Germans, server, food poisoning, all in one exciting weekend!
Friday 27th August – I ordered a new server today, increased capacity, memory, power, support, SLA, value-added extras, everything! I will plan to move all clients across to it once it’s configured. I got it as a special, as they offered a free 3rd hard drive. This means there’s a chance to setup RAID5 on it, sweet.
That night was planned to be another movie night with German girls, watching Kill Bill 2, but Ginger Monkey was celebrating it’s first anniversary, so we ended up doing Kill Bill 2 THEN the Monkey anniversary party. The party was pretty cool, but many people had/were disappearing by the time we got there. Charlotte and Inga left, Lydia and I continued on to Howie’s with Vinh, Juan and some others. I saw the Viet Hussie who stole my bracelet, so I yelled at her a little bit. Unfortunately I allowed Juan to get involved, which meant more than I realised. He then found out that the offence was the previous week and that there was nothing he could do then. I had to help things cool down, as Howie and a copper got involved. The end of the night involved taking Lydia home, whereby there was a brief chat about things, including her mentioning that she’s not ‘here’ to have a relationship, etc… then saying not to worry too much about the bracelet (It wasn’t the bracelet I was worried about at the time!)
28th – I bought RHEL (Red Hat Enterprise Linux) so that I could configure it for my new server. There was a farewell party at night at the Lazy Gecko, for Dao, the manager. It was quite good, involving some nibbles and many drinks, then later on moving upstairs to watch a DVD and get wasted. I sat with, and was chatted to by Laura, James’ Laura’s friend.
29th Aug – Spent most of the day with Kit, drinking bubble tea and chatting. I had an AWESOME, reminiscent Philly Cheesesteak burger/roll, YUMM!
I spent quite a bit of time in front of the laptop, trying to figure out a configuration of RAID on Redhat Enterprise, for my new server. I cooked myself some pork steaks, but started to feel ill that night.
Monday 30th – I didn’t get a lot of sleep, I was REALLY CROOK! It felt like a MASSIVE case of food poisoning, but unless I didn’t cook the pork enough, or the cheesesteak roll was bad, I don’t remember eating anything dodgy. I was so bad I couldn’t go to class, so they were cancelled. Interestingly enough, it’s a common event, and no big deal (people get sick all the time here!)
Posted by Dan at 08:31 AM | Comments (1)
Inga’s Birthday Party (25th August)
This is Inga (and me :P)
This isn’t the best pic of Lydia
Nor is this, but it’s a good one of Charlotte
Had an interesting night last night. After school, I went to Inga’s Birthday Party (Wed 25th Aug). Everybody there was German except me, quite interesting to see it, although no the first time. Anyway, at the end of the night, I left, giving Charlotte a ride home, Inga reminded me about watching Kill Bill 2 this weekend, and made the comment that I’m very patient and passionate! (interesting choice of words, I have to say) I replied quietly that perhaps I’m too patient. Anyway, that got the discussion onto Lydia, (she was still at the party) which continued on the bike trip to Charlotte’s abode. We sat out the front of her place for about 15 minutes chatting about the situation before she went in. I guess none of it surprised me, how Lydia seems to be ‘here’ to ‘deal’ with stuff ‘alone.’ On top of that, she questioned whether ‘finding out’ with Lydia might mean a closing off, which would surely destroy the tension that seems to be present (aka the interesting stuff). I guess I realised that it’s true, and I don’t want to be rejected either. Probably why I haven’t made any moves forward or backward, because this is the impression I already ‘feel’ from Lydia.
The problematic point, however, is that because there IS ‘something’ there with Lydia, I feel less inclined/comfortable doing anything more than basic flirting with anyone else (and especially not in her presence!!!)
Posted by Dan at 08:29 AM | Comments (1)
Some Internal Conflict
I’ve got a bit of internal conflict at the moment… my heart keep telling me I want ‘someone’ to fill the void, to lay next to, to chill out with, to BE with. My head also partially agrees, reflecting that it can be healthy for the soul and state of being to have such a person. Head, however, also reminds me that being single means I’m becoming stronger, being single means that I’m becoming more aware of myself. “Look at the things I’ve realised and noticed about myself already!”, exclaims Head.
All of this is regardless of the fact that there needs to be a worthwhile and willing counterpart in order for this to occur…
Aiyah.
Posted by Dan at 08:26 AM | Comments (1)
Some Internal Realisations
A lot of this trip was originally so that I can ‘find myself’, or really learn who I am and who I am comfortable BEING. I presumed that it would require time ‘alone’, or time to think ‘by myself’. I’m now realising that it purely takes ‘time.’
I’m also noticing that I really do need people around me that I can click with. Friends and general associates are okay, but the value disappears quickly. I guess I’ve always known this, but it is somewhat contrasting to what I assume to be my core personality style, being relatively introverted. (Even typing this, I don’t think the label of introversion does my reality justice…. Perhaps I need to find my own definitions while I define myself).
I also appreciate living with other people. Even if they are in another room, not specifically communicating with me, there is a level of comfort provided by knowing there is someone there.
(This is in direct contrast to my other goal of 'being very single and free' around the world… but that was a fairly superficial one anyway)
Posted by Dan at 08:21 AM | Comments (1)
Another weekend in PP
Friday, post bad-morning… I got a reply from Lydia that Lunch/Dinner’d be better… ended up planning for dinner, which turned to Charlotte’s place for dinner/movie with Inga also. Had a decent night, watched a couple of movies.. I don’t know what I want, sometimes I feel I just want Lydia, sometimes I just want a bit of fun, I don’t know. I feel like I don’t know myself, nor what I want, which makes me unconfident with chicks.
Went home at about 3amish? dropping Inga and Lydia off on the way.
(21 Aug) Saturday day was sleep in, then shopping on visa, then movie watching, before I called Kit and we went out for a drink. Kit’s in a very interesting position at the moment…. Quite volatile, and I cant publicly mention it, but definitely stories for the grandkids…. Hehehe
Was good to have someone to hang out with, have a chat with, although I still felt a little reserved, like/as I wasn’t finishing every thought/output. He’s only 18, so maybe that has something to do with it. Dunno. Good bloke tho. He had to leave, so I joined Vinh at the Monkey, for some poker, which I ended up walking away UP from! Jessica, Vinh, Dave, and a couple of other pommies (cant remember names, sorry guys) and I then went to Howies for more drinks. I ended up having a Viet Hussie chatting to me, which was ok. She liked my bracelet, so I let her wear it, but when I wanted it back, she basically ran off with it. I didn’t really believe it, and wasn’t in the mood to go after her, so it’s gone. At the time I put it down to a reminder of where I am, and what these can be like.
Went to The Heart, but it was running down by the time we got there. I met a chick from Gladesville, which was pretty bizarre, then went home as I was pretty tired.
(22 Aug) Sunday started out as a good deal-with-stuff Sunday, but then I went to meet Kit for a coffee and to chat with Dad. Net wasn’t working properly, which was a bit of a bum. Had a good meal with Kit at Chit Chat, discussed all kinds of stuff, including Tablet PC (I think I’ve convinced him to get one…. Didn’t take much convincing tho). Went to a proper net café and spent more time doing stuff online, chatting to various people.
Cooked myself a steak for dinner, which was quite good! (And not too expensive really… $4/kg, could be worse…. Chicken is even less!) I watched Signs (with Mel Gibson) and couldn’t stop myself from laughing through most of it as I remembered Scary Movie 3.
Monday 23rd Aug – feeling REALLY poor now… went to buy 2 recharge cards from Mobitel on visa (I thought they said minimum $15), but it was actually minimum $50! Not impressed. Spent my last few riel on Internet (had plans to meet KB for some work), then on a recharge card (my sim would have expired today otherwise!) Fortunately I remembered my emergency $20, but I still need Regent to pay me for last month’s outstanding salary…. Doh!
Classes were fine, and cooked myself some chicken breasts for dinner (yum, protein), fried and sauted in a pasta/tomato sauce thingy, topped with parmy.
Posted by Dan at 08:19 AM | Comments (0)
Bad Virus Scanner, DOWN!
16th – 20th August – This has to have been one of my worst weeks here… It all started with my Hostaccino server deciding to spit the dummy, after more than a year of uninterrupted service. It acted like there was an intruder, which disturbed me greatly, feeling especially useless waiting for tech support to try to figure it out. For those who want to know, it was due to non-backwards-compatible virus scanner updates on an older version of the virus scanner that was running. Once upgraded and fixed, I presumed all would be well again. However, the next day, a similar event happened, and I realised that the scanner had real problems. I eventually found a way out of the problem, but it was a major pain, to both me and my clients. The whole week was a mess and I during this week I spent more than $15 on internet access!
As always, when you’re down, you’re susceptible to further degradation, and I was feeling quite low and lonely during this week. It was horrible. Interesting to note (I’m writing this log a couple of weeks after the event) my Friday morning log, and how shite I was feeling:
20th August – Friday morning.
My gosh, why can’t these people make a café latte? It’s a café with about 8 styles of coffee on the menu, yet this $1.50 latte has 60% FROTH! All I wanted was a bit of comfort in a ‘real’ latte and a cake.
I’m obviously not in a good mood. Feeling not good, like everything is breaking down, and I don’t have any real friends here. I assume Lydia, Charlotte and Claus got back on Tuesday night, Claus leaving on Wednesday. That means the girls have been back for over 2 days. I messaged Lydia asking if she wanted to have breakfast with me, but no response. Who else is there here that I can ask to have breakfast with me? What is that!
I’ve got the cleaner at home, cleaning, the gas has just run out, my drinking water’s run out, my money’s running out, and I’ve gotta take my books in this morning so they can be photocopied, anything else? AIYAH!
Jeez, so much for TGIF, the last couple of Friday’s have been awful!
Posted by Dan at 08:17 AM | Comments (0)
Hosta and EJB coding work
During the week (especially the early part) I spent a lot of time setting up jboss, JBuilder and my 2003 EJB project again, including rewriting some of the EJB code. It felt good to be coding again, and to be doing something on Hostaccino again. I had a thought yesterday, that perhaps some of my lack of motivation to work on Hosta is that I can actually see limited opportunity, or a great deal of time required for a return (low ROI), partially due to large numbers of competition. On the other hand, the one thing I can see as my competitive edge is personalised service and support. That means if I focus on the service/support aspect, I have fewer clients, hopefully better paying clients, etc.
I don’t know. Anyway, working on my EJB, its pretty much a massive overkill for the result (ie. E-Comm website with some extra interfacing functionality), but it is more than that. It’s a chance to prove to myself that I can finish things, and finish them properly, in addition to being a successful J2EE project, which I can hopefully use as a demonstration project for potential software development consulting.
Posted by Dan at 08:15 AM | Comments (1)
Hermit-Styles
9th – 15th August – This week Lydia was away (which I didn’t know until she got back) and I don’t feel so close with many other people here (mental note – I should probably go out and socialise a bit more, as a single person, meet more people in different groups.), that was part of the reason I was a bit of a hermit. I also am feeling quite poor. I spent $200 on my apartment ($100 deposit, plus first month), in addition to buying my moto from Monica ($300) in addition to the setup expenses of a new home. I ate from home, mostly pasta, baguettes (300-500riel each!) or rice so as to save money. As of right now (Monday the 16th) I have $36 to my name to last until the next pay cheque. Regent should be paying me another $30-40 as they screwed up my last pay, so I’ve got about $70 for the next 3 weeks and weekends. That doesn’t sound as bad as it did on Friday ($80 to last 4 weeks!), but I’m still going to have to be tight if I don’t want to borrow (from school, friends or VISA).
It doesn’t cost much to live during the week (a few baguettes here and there, some basic food, if I don’t eat out its ok), and if I were a hermit over the weekend it could be just as cheap. Unfortunately, being alone here, I do actually enjoy socialising (surprise, surprise), but that generally requires spending money (be it on lunch/dinner or drinks). I’m not asking for sympathy or even money to be sent my way… I will have money, and hopefully a decent amount by next pay, but I think this is a good way for me to really value money and learn from it. I’m good with finances, but even I know that I can spend more than I really need to. Fortunately I was able to get over the weekend (only going out Saturday night, mind you) relatively cheaply… I didn’t buy too many drinks, I was shouted a couple of them, and my friends here are very generous indeed.
Friday was a very hectic day, and it being Friday the 13th, things were ‘noticably’ going wrong. Perhaps not more than any normal day, but they were notable because of the superstition of the day. I had coffee in the morning with Lydia then ran off to be a bodyguard for Monica as she closed her bank account. After much to-ing and fro-ing, Monica and I then had a delicious lunch at Java (Mon very generously offered lunch in return for services rendered). I also found out that Monica’s real name IS actually Jacomina (as per her email address) – which I thought to be a transliteration of Monica.
Friday night was very quiet indeed – Brandon and a few others were going out to a Korean restaurant, but I declined the invitation due to the cost involved. I spent about $40 on VISA at Pencil’s Supermarket on food and beer (Kirrilee’s influence made me buy a few veggies… not many, cause they’re not particularly appetising), then I locked myself away for the night watching TV and DVDs.
Saturday involved hanging out with Lydia, Charlotte, Claus and Inga, from brunch at Del Gusto to shopping all over the place in a tuk tuk.
Saturday night – feeling poor, there were 2 for 1 drinks at some bar early in the evening, but I was still with the Germans by the time this was happening. Planned to meet them again for some dude’s farewell at FCC. I got there earlier than the others, so drank while waiting. Eventually they turned up, while I was chatting with Jana. After FCC, I had to sit on Claus’ lap in the car to get to a dodgy Temple Bar, then again to Elsewhere, after realising how dodgy Temple was. Elsewhere was interesting, stayed there until quite late, a bit after Lydia, Charlotte and Claus left.
Sunday – The Germans went to Seam Reap, so I was left to my own devices. I don’t remember doing much, probably a little shopping or something. Oh, I think on this day I had brekky then was told about a bike ride, and thus joined (Vinh, Brandon and chicky, James and Laura). We met at Rising Sun, had more food, then headed over the Japanese bridge, turned sharp left and went along a dirt track for a while. It immediately felt quite rural, even though we were just on the other side of the Tonle Sap. We turned back cause the bikes aren’t really designed for dirt. We then went down the road to the Alligator Ski café or something, where we had a bit of a chill out with a beer. After the Ski spot, we went further down the road till we found something interesting. That something was a motocross track, with a couple of dude practicing their jumps. That was cool, and kind of bizarre. After a long, bum-painful ride back, I tried the Sydney Supermarket, which is cool, I can find a heap of Oz things not available at normal stores here.
Posted by Dan at 08:12 AM | Comments (1)